A Love Lost:A Throwback Piece Found

I heard from Love today,
He served me his walking papers,


I thought hearing from him could re knit our severed ties,
For eight years has gone,
So has his loyalty to me,
Now faded into black and white memories,


Didn't know you would eternally take residence with the rebound chick?
Really?
The rebound chick?


Even in absence,
My spirit called forth your spirit,
Out from earthly realms,


Grieving over the heartache,
I caused,
That left you in the hands of the mind doctor,


I was the benefactor of your chastity,
The object of your only desire,
I molded,
Whipped you into shape just for me,
Did you forget I am the guru of your sexual mastery;


Although,
I let you free to explore the concept of who you be,
You never returned until now,
And you bring me evidence of 3 Love child's and a wifey.


Damn you made the rebound chick the wifey,
Really?
The wifey?


Happiness and Jealously evades my emotional space,
For when I held your ring in tote,
This was my destined fate,


But why am I left vexed and jaded,
Well is it because ur parting words cut me deeper than any warrior's sword,
I heard your whisper loud and clear,
 " Ma you are the first and only true LOVE and No one can ever take that away from you"


The irony in that!
I let him go and another snatched him..
Now I understand what it feels like to have a Love lost....

A memories past.....

Woke up with warm thoughts of you,
Went to bed missing your cuddling embrace,
In unison with sweet, full, deep tender kisses,
I lay mummified,
Lost in mind of the why, when, what,where's?
Glad to know your still here

Thoughts of you emanate poetry,
Full of passion,
Decoded notes of love enveloping,
Two spirits trying to find their way,
On a singular path,
A scared journey of life,

Symbolic language exposes my essence,
Innocent nature,
Untainted motives,
The softer side of this stern stare,
You get me,
And
I get you,
Time holds our destined possibilties

A Kiss

The power that emanates as our lips touch,

Releases our souls to do the forbidden dance,

Exploring our primal rhythms...

Gazes captured,

Heart beats stronger,

Butterflies flutter my womb,

Instantly,

At the feel of our pink neutral tones of flesh touching for the first time...

Suspended in time,

Lost,

I'm in an altered state,

I travel in your spirit,

Learning your sacred tongues,

I learn a new love language...

A Kiss,

The feel of your warmth,

Mixed with my peppermint swirl lips,

Delights our oral sensors,

Oh the power of A kiss!...

Blissfully I am a taken back,

By the intensity and hunger of your jaw line balancing with mine in sync,

Stroke by stroke,

Lick by lick...

I've never knew the craving of A Kiss would keep me up at night,

Stalked by the absence of your presence,

 I ache for A Kiss from you...

To Love Thee

To Love Thee...is like a labyrinth,

Intricate in detail,

Compartmentalized,

An adventurous mystery that can jade even the wisest & skillfulest suitor...

To Love Thee...will warm the coldest of hearts,

Sway the most unbending will ,

Give hope in the most obscure conditions...

 

To Love Thee is as vital as I Love me!

I Will Never

I will never get a chance to hold ya gaze,
I will never get a change to engage in a Father/Daughter conversation,
I will never get a chance to hear you utter I Love you,
I will never get a chance to receive words of adoration and affirmation,
I will never get a chance to feel safe in your warm embrace,
I will never get to hear our synchornize heartbeats as you tower over me,
I will never get a chance to hear ya childhood to manhood memories,
I will never get a chance to be given away on my wedding day as I join in an "I Do",
I will never get a chance to rock with you at a father/daughter dance,
I will never get a chance to say bye bye Daddy or hello Papi because now you look low at me from way beyond the skies.


Thoughts of my biological father Tomas Sanchez and step-father Donald Williams of whom I have never met.......I carry the thoughts of your personhood and re-told memories of who you are in my womb...Love you both! ase, ase, ase-o!

Dusting Away the Dust Here

It has been far to long since I have graced this womb space. Negligence is the best choice of word to use for not feeling the need to post or share. I often ponder why the need for such an extreme measure of self-preservation. I knew I needed to come back full circle to me but I am sorry for taking a hiatus. To be honest with myself and those who find value in my blog I allowed self defeating thoughts seep in and tell me that no one cares to read what I have to say. False reality that appeared real...No More of this kind of thought processes.

Nevertheless, today I have declared that I am dusting away the dust here and allowing freedom of thoughts, love, compassion too emanate through posts. I, We all have a story to tell and only we can stop the rendering of our livid experience's.

Life Vest

This piece emerged out of divine encounter between my bestie and I. God spoke through the Holy Spirit and I was used as a vessel to speak to myself and bestie. Thus, many of us may be going through difficult times of transitions and I would like to share a snippet of the word spoken through our wombs. Be Encouraged!

Although rip tides and strong currents may beat against you,

Thus,
Do not fret for God is your life vest,
For I am your God,
who is stirring up the waters,
Yet,
You may get consumed by the depths and heights of the waves beating against your body,
Thus,
Do not forget to swim in along the current,
Know you are grounded because I am ya life saver secured abound you,
I am ya life vest,
You are being strengthened by resilience as you swim against the turbulent waters,
Hence,
At times,
You may go under water,
For fear and panic you might think you are drowning,
Hold still,
Stop fighting,
See beloved you are floating because you are wearing ya life vest,
When you stop fighting,
You naturally float in sync with your life sustaining force,
As your survival instincts kick in,
You remembered there is no possible way you could drown,
Or get consumed by currents because I am your God,
The creator of your existence,
Stand firm in your beliefs and without reservation,
Know that I am your life's vest...

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror… why do I not love the reflection that stares back at me,
Is it because I watched too much reality TV?
And what I see is totally different,
Whose reality or model of beauty do I believe?
Why do I not love the full span of my wide hips seamlessly connected to my thick thighs?
Why do I not appreciate my full mid-drift rippled in medium toned six-pack?
Why am I ashamed of the voluptuous-ness of my breasts and the fullness of my love handles?

Why is it that I do love the symmetrical lines of my face?
Eyes,
Nose, lips and mouth,
I love my smile!
Moles and age spots,

My flawed beauty marks,

Nonetheless,

Then I am told that my coarse medium length hair isn't beautiful because it doesn't flow long and silky,

Is this why I feel prettiest with 12 to 14-inch extensions in my hair?

Mirror Mirror…why cannot I love all parts of me?
Why do I rationalize my standards of BEUATY to fit a norm that will never be me!
So mirror I stand before you naked,
Exposing my flaws and learning to love them all!
I love how my full body feels as my fingers caress my smooth fleshly skin…
It is a damn shame that all of this time I have neglected my own finesse.
No more will I view my BODY IMAGE and BEAUTY through a mirror that never belonged to me originally.

Mirror Mirror hanging on my wall,
Thank you for the refracted image of me,
For the first time in 28 years,
I LOVE seeing every aspect of me!
Take me as I am or leave me the hell alone!

Aging

As I look in the Mirror I take note of the fine lines that have evolved over time,
Beautifully placed about,
Enhancing my smile,
The depth of my deep hazelnut embers,
Panoramic view to my spirit,
Traces of gray exposes wisdom in my coiled roots,
Strengthened by the perils of time,
Aging has been a blessing,
My evolution with the divine binds us closer in every domain,
I am no longer afraid to age,
To evolve,
For seeing me blossom into a rare exquisite creation,
I am humbled to sojourn many more decades to come,
I am aging gracefully...ase'-o!!!

Touch

Invigorated,
I became once you… touched me,
Unaware of the blinders over my eyes,
I saw you for the first time,
Naked,
Unrefined,
Intense in your entire male splendor,
Seduced I became when ya fingers perused my skin,
Erector Pili muscles (chills) emerged,
Sensations of ya lust hovered about me like a spirit,
Haunted by your presence,
Held captive by ya touch,
I entered euphoria,
Mind traveling to foreign oasis as ya tongue explored voluptuous landmasses,
Tenderly,
We geographically explored each other’s native lands,
Experiencing earthquakes,
Avalanches,
Sweet rainstorms,
Sun bathing on pink sandy beaches,
We marveled at God's glory,
Our love was the best tour guide,
Saddened by our dream vacations ended so soon,
Back to my mundane daily routine,
I longed to go back to my former expeditions,
Restless nights and days stalked me as I craved for his touch,
Tossing and turning I toiled,
Sheets brushing against my skin,
Offering no relief,
His touch was like no other,
Swollen tear ducts slowly purged warm salty tears to his memory,
My womb in agony,
Heart broken,
In harmony exhaling,
Releasing his touch back into the universe,
My soulful cry is my only antidote to relief,
I never knew this kind of power could come forth from a ... touch

Faded Memories

What you left behind were scattered faded memories stalking my thoughts,
Just the mere thought of you being near causes all my senses to shut down,
Oh, what I would give to feel ya lips pressing firmly against mine,
Again,
The instant touch of our tongues mating used to cause mounds of sweet nectar to fall from my hidden volcano of love,
The intensity of my warmth intertwined with your lustful strokes,
Ushers residuals of the moments of our passion suspended in air, time and space,
The thought of ya love no longer present,
Leaves emptiness where our love used to reside,
Faded images of us is the catalyst of my current state of thought,
Mourning,
Re-hashing a faint memory,
Gray Sketches of yesterdays past,
Aimlessly I gawp deep into thoughts,
Remembering a love lost

L.I.E.S

Living an
Intentional life of gratitude I have
Experienced some very
Superficial people

Life lessons taught me that
Innocence doesn’t mean shit when you
Encounter hardships that make ones life seem
Spectacular if you have been blessed not to endure trauma

Laughter I was told is good for the soul
Instead, my soul hasn’t experienced hilarity but it’s been
Entangled and immersed in
Someone else’s webs of deceit

Love is what I used to believe was
Inspirational, my guiding moral compass
Exclusively known to me, thus, my love used to be
Sacred until I allowed it to become tainted by…. L.I.E.S.

RESURRECTED

Shook you off my feet….dirt,
your matter didn't belong here,
So I poured pure libations of water to the death of your…
Impurity,
In honor of the path that awaits me I sing....
Ashe’,
But dirty I shall not return along this scared path.
For I cannot track and leave footprints of what you left behind.
I allowed myself to become a martyr for freedom,
For to remain with you,
Oppressed,
I would’ve died along time ago.
So I emerge high and lifted up....
Resurrected,
From past hurts into an awakened sense of self.
For my feet have been standing within your gates O Zion,
Planted by the streams of healing waters,
Just as the deer pants for the water,
My soul quenched for the divine...
Now that I have partaken ya glory,
I spring forth into life after death...
For Freedom, Love. Life. Laughter has …..resurrected me

My Love

My Love we wore the mask,

We was the mask,

Now were naked and exposed,

What happened to our love?
Loving you could have made me empty,

But instead through my hurt,

I emerged...

Bruised but not broken,

I am still whole,

But where did the passion run, run, run and hide too?

Why did it have to go?

Damn I wanted that "New New" kinda of Love,

The kind of Love that never gets dull and when it does,

You flip it,

You flip me,

And we would re-create….us continually

I just wanted to become lost in Love, be one with Love...because Love reigns within me consistently,

Loving you was more than a feeling,

You evolved into an emotion.,

A fabric of me,

When we became a we..

Don’t you remember how my LOVE lingered around you,

Like your natural scent,

I complemented you,

My Love was ya seductress,

My Love allured you into deep dark places that you never knew existed,

My Love is rare,

Pure,

Potent,

Enduring,

Sensual,

Centered,

Trust it'll never be duplicated,

You should have treasured it…My Love,

My Love mirrored Toni Braxton's Breath Again,

My Love kept you...breathing...

I will forever be your emotional lifeline...

I can no longer hear the words I LOVE YOU!

I can no longer bare to hear the words I love You!

I have heard this phrase over and over again,
Time after time,
As my heart oozes blood stained love from the holes many dug into it,
I am left here depleted by love loss,
Yet, I thought love doesn’t hurt,
Hurt is all I know love to be like,
Human frailty one blames for mis-representation of it,
And that God offers a better paradigm of Love,


Honestly,
I often cringe when I hear God is Love,
If God is Love then why did love have to be forcefully stolen from me at ages 3,9, 12
If God is Love then why did I have to be the post of step-father’s backhand?
If God is Love then why didn’t he save me from myself,
Offering my pure form of LOVE to unworthy lovers and friends,

I can no longer stand to hear the words I love you!
When I often hear this phrase after betrayal,
Or when one wanted to make my bed rock!
You knowingly hurt me but yet you proclaim you Love me,
Wow, do I really want or need this kind of Love,

I can no longer stand to hear the words I LOVE YOU!
For they no longer posses hope, trust or security,
For this phrase has just been become a fallacy to me,
The only people who experience “true love” are depicted in Happily Ever-After Fairy Fantasies!